If you're in a high-conflict divorce, you might be faced by the specter of mounting legal fees.

I understand. I've got clients who've forked over enough to their lawyers to put 3 down payments on a house. And these aren't rich people.

Their fees skyrocketed for various reasons, but the main one was that they walked out of the marriage thinking their ex was going to act like a normal, decent person. They didn't realize that they were divorcing a narcissist. One of them incurred $10k in legal fees over 2 weeks because her self-representing ex flooded her lawyer with emails.

If you're divorcing an abuser, you'll need to ignore much of the advice aimed at people going through a regular divorce. But it doesn't mean that some of this advice isn't good.

Here are some pointers for keeping your legal fees down during your high-conflict divorce

📌 Set your ego aside
it's not worth sticking to your guns about something if the legal fees you're going to pay are higher than what the actual item costs.

📌 Try mediation first—but be smart about it
Select a mediator who’s experienced with domestic violence and high-conflict divorce and knows how to deal with narcissists.

📌 Stay organized
Create a documentation system with links to your documents and correspondences. Make sure it’s backed up.

📌 Don’t use your lawyer as an emotional sounding board
That’s what friends, therapists, or divorce coaches are for.

📌 Set a budget with your lawyer
This helps manage expectations and keeps you and your lawyer on the same page about expenditure. That way, your lawyer can let you know as soon as things get out of hand.

📌 Batch your communication with your lawyer
Instead of contacting your lawyer every time something comes up, keep a list and address multiple issues in one communication. Use numbering so it’s easier for your lawyer to respond.

There’s a lot you can’t control when it comes to keeping your legal fees down in a high-conflict divorce, especially if your ex is bombarding your lawyer with correspondence but every little bit you can do helps.

If you need help finding a strategy to keep your legal fees down in a high-conflict divorce, contact me and we'll work one out together.